Mourning for a loved one often connotes deep sorrow and sadness. At times, it feels as if your heart is being pierced. And what they say about having an unfillable hole in your heart once you have experienced death in the family is true. But how do you go through the grieving stage and move on with life with renewed strength?
Before my father's demise, the concept of death and mourning seemed all vague to me. I had been to the wake of a few friends and relatives and had seen the impact of their passing to their families; yet at that point, I was still in the "knowing" stage. It was all in my head. When my father died, that was when I got to the "feeling" stage -- a sensation of piercing through the core of my heart. I then fully understood the intense effect that such an experience can have on people, especially if it involves a dearly beloved person, as was the case with my father.
\"beloved Person\"
The process I underwent -- going through the whole grieving ordeal -- made me appreciate life and those who are still with and around me all the more. It also heightened my sensitivity to their needs.
Regret
My father lived a long, full life; hence, denial of his imminent death was not an issue. Somehow I knew it was forthcoming. What was painful for me was the deep sense of regret for the things that I failed to do or missed out on while he was still alive: more open gestures and expressions of love, more intimate conversations, more father-daughter quality time, more conscious decisions not to cause him anxiety, more opportunities for him to partake of the best that life has to offer... I was beside myself with sorrow and regret when these realizations hit me.
Acceptance
Beset with regret, I cried, kept crying and sought his forgiveness. And somehow I felt peaceful. Allowing myself to honestly process what I really feel inside and choosing to be repentant, helped me in eventually letting go and accepting that he is no longer around physically.
Thanksgiving
I then turned to thoughts of gratefulness for all that he had been and will always be for us, his family -- my mother, my siblings and his grandchildren... for especially being my father. Gratitude always has a wonderful way of lightening up a load.
Celebration
Months following my father's passing, just the mere thought of him would bring tears to my eyes and cause heaviness in my heart. It's sadness that's unspeakable. At each episode, I would consciously go through a cycle of repentance, gratefulness and love acclamations until the pain ebbed away. But the antidote was in simply remembering him with fondness and celebrating his life as casually and as often as possible, at family gatherings and regular conversations. Somehow, doing this transformed my sorrow into joy. And it still does.
Moving On
On the occasion of my father's first year death anniversary, my mourning cycle came in full circle. Knowing that he had lived a simple yet dignified life, and of his capacity to love and endure tribulations, I knew in my heart that his passing was on time as he had lived a full life. He had moved on, and so must I.
My father's legacy was love, and it was enough for me to finally let him go and face life anew. The tears of sadness had stopped. Every time I think of him now, it's all with gratefulness and love.
Mourning For A Loved One - How To Go Through It
Writing has long been a pending passion of mine. May the joys and tribulations I encounter in life and the lessons I learn from them -- as expressed in my writings -- be of value even in just a small way.
Ninya Necualin del Cielo