We broke up a month ago for no bad reason after going out for three years. I simply needed some time to myself and some space. We spoke about it and agreed it was for the best. I've had time to think about things and I'd like to see if we can make this work so I tried calling about a week ago but my calls and messages have been ignored. It hurts that I am being ignored. What can I do? It's not as if I have done anything wrong."
Human nature is a strange thing to analyze and when it comes to affairs of the heart our behavior seems to be more erratic than ever. But in truth we all act in a similar manner.
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The particular break up described here was simply because one partner (the guy) was having second thoughts and needed some time and some space to be sure of his feelings.
The girlfriend was so traumatized by this sudden "amicable" break up that the shutters went up in an effort to avoid a repeat of the intense pain - even though in reality she wanted to get back with him. It was classic human response of "fight or flight" and she chose flight.
The physical pain of a break up can be so intense that it almost defies description. People land up not being able to function properly from lack of sleep, a total lack of appetite and complete confusion as to why their world has been turned upside down. It doesn't matter what the reason for the break up. It can be an affair (considered the worst betrayal), an addiction (porn?), a lack of communication (taking things for granted) or a thousand other things.
The pain and reaction is the same in many cases. Usually the wronged partner's response is to flee, to put up shutters and "run" as far as possible. They will wish the relationship never happened. Memories will be destroyed, places visited together and mutual friends all become too much to bear. They try everything but there really is no escape from these painful memories. How then does one get such a person to give the ex a second chance?
I have just read a question in Yahoo! Answers where a woman has married a man in order to spite her ex because he did not want to commit to marriage. She was asking what she should do because her ex is her true love. How sad is that sort of extreme flight?
If you want to get your ex to stop ignoring you, whether they are "right" or "wrong" is immaterial. What you need to do is understand and empathise with what they are going through.
You need to start again.
Embrace your contribution to whatever went wrong. Even the innocent party in an affair needs to understand that they were part of the reason for the affair, however small that part might be. Then and only then can you hope to retrieve what was probably a very good relationship in the first place.
Don't ask "why is my ex ignoring me?" ask rather "What must I do to get my ex to stop ignoring me?" If you can answer this question you will have a much better chance at opening up the lines of communications and a second chance at happiness.
Why is My Ex Ignoring Me?
If your ex is ignoring you it is probably because, like you, there are a lot of different emotions being felt. It might be too early to face up to things - sometimes ignoring something buys time or makes the pain go away. The thought of trusting you again only to be let down is too unbearable to contemplate at this point.
Stepping back and giving your ex some space is sometimes hard to do but if you can the results will amaze you. A change in thinking will give you a fresh start and a better chance of getting a response from your ex. That's all you're asking for right now - a chance to talk!